Ten things you could be doing rather than using Facebook

(Originally posted as a note on my Facebook account, reposted here…)

Too many people are far too addicted to Facebook, and seem to be at a complete loss for something to do when the site isn’t working properly. Here, therefore, are ten suggestions for things to do when Facebook is down or not working properly – or even, just to do instead for a change!

(In no particular order)

  1. Watch TV. You remember TV, I’m sure. It’s the ‘idiot box’ in the corner of the living room, with sound and moving pictures, which you used to sit and stare at gormlessly before a computer with Facebook open took over the role in a more interactive way.
  2. Watch a DVD. They’re the flat, round shiney things that look a bit like pizzas, but smaller and which you can’t eat. Do remember to put it in a DVD player first, though, watching the content on a TV (see #1). Watching the disc itself is just silly.
  3. Listen to the radio. In case you don’t remember, the radio is an older invention than the TV (see #1), and similar to it in some ways – but it doesn’t have pictures. Instead it has people talking rubbish, with music to break up the monotony.
  4. Mow the lawn. It’s the mass of overgrown green stuff in your garden – that place you haven’t been since discovering Facebook. Watch out for snakes, though. And, depending just how long it is since you last saw it, lions.
  5. Go out for a meal. If you don’t understand the concept, it involves eating – it’s that thing you do with the round things that get delivered in the flat boxes (like DVDs, only bigger and edible – sort of), often the next morning when they’re cold. Except it’s nicer food, in a nicer environment.
  6. Take your pet dog out for a walk. If you don’t have a pet dog, it’s probably best not to try this with other pets. Especially not goldfish. They’ll probably die – and I’m not sure you can get leads to fit them, anyway.
  7. Talk to a friend on the ‘phone. Using your voice. What you used to do before instant messaging and email, and stuff like that. Or, if you aren’t ready for such an odd and daring idea, send them text messages.
  8. Play a board game. That’s right “board” – they’re usually printed on a piece of board, and have playing pieces that you move around, sometimes after rolling one or two dice.
  9. Read a book. These are a bit like Facebook, in that there are words to be read, but they’re PRINTED. On PAPER. And usually have less pictures – but if they have lots of pictures, it’s probably a magazine. Or an Argos catalogue.
  10. Go to the pub and have a drink with some friends. Yes, a drink – it’s a bit like those stupid things some people “send” to one another on Facebook, except they’re THE REAL THING, and you’re in the ACTUAL PRESENCE of your friends. Do you even remember what they look like?

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