Although I’ve been watching Eurovision since 2014 and commenting on Twitter as the evening progresses – both tasks aided with a supply of cider and snacks – I’ve only once pulled my comments off Twitter and turned them into a blog post, in 2017. Although, to be fair, in either 2018 or 2019 I didn’t make it through the entire show online because I hit a Twitter limit and was unable to post after that point, and in 2020 rain coronavirus stopped play.
So, really, I’ve only not done this once since then, or one and a half times if you want to count the year my commentary was brought to a premature halt. This year, however, I am once again doing what I did four years ago – turning my commentary into something easy to find and refer back to in future.
I’ve done this manually, even though it should theoretically be possible to write some code to carry out at least the initial part – pulling down the tweets and turning them into some basic HTML. In doing so, it’s possible that I’ll have messed up a link or three (particularly those to the tweets themselves) – so apologies if I have.
The tweets are more or less as written on the evening – 22nd May, for anyone who wishes to be anal about such things (and I’m writing this blog post just over a week later over the course of a few days) – complete with all dodgy grammar, typos, and other mistakes I may have made.
They are broken down into sections, with subtitles, for what I was commenting on at the time. That generally means the act that was performing at the time while the main contest was on (even though I may have digressed slightly in some places) – but there were also comments leading up to the show, and while we were waiting for the results, etc.
I’ll include links to a YouTube performance for each act, and to specific points within the whole show if I find it necessary (if I can’t illustrate the point with a screen grab or additional explanation) – and there will be links to other things here and there as well, along with additional explanatory comments.
Finally, reading through this before posting, I don’t think this compares well with my 2017 commentary – but a big factor in that is, I suspect, my deliberate choice to slow myself down in order to avoid hitting a limit and losing my ability to post again.
And so to the tweets…
Preamble – a few days earlier
My very first comment on the topic of Eurovision was actually a couple of days earlier, on May 22nd, quote-tweeting Ben Avison who posted a short thread about Iceland’s entry:
- 2021-05-20 – 6:17pm Ah, so it’s Eurovision this weekend…
*Checks to see if I need to stock up on alcohol*
Nope, I’m good! 👍
IIRC, last time around, @Twitter booted me off because I hit a limit with my rapid fire silly comments. I’ll try to slow down this time (although that’s less fun).- naivesnob – 2021-05-20 – 9:33am Really feel for Gagnamagnið – everything about their entry is so delightfully DIY compared to all their slick corporate competition (I believe they did their own writing, costumes, props, tie-ins etc)
There was something I hadn’t cottoned on to at this point, though. The same day, over on my RISCOSitory twitter account I commented on Ben’s new Twitter Avatar – a pixelated version of his own face, designed to look like a low-res computer graphic:
- RISCOSitory – 2021-05-20 – 4:24pm Also, for RISC OS and Acorn people, I understand the reason for Ben’s new low-res pixel-y icon is a nod to the work being undertaken to port RISC OS to the BBC Micro.
This is absolutely 100% true. Would I make up something like that? 😉
A brief further exchange:
- 2021-05-20 – 9:02pm It doesn’t seem to be capable of creating mine. No red. No horns. No fangs.
- naivesnob – 2021-05-20 – 7:35pm You too can make a pixelated version of your own face. It’s what all the cool kids are doing 😉 dadifreyr.com
There was more to the whole conversation, but I won’t go through it – those few tweets above are relevant to comments on the night of the contest itself.
Preamble – on the day of the contest
- 6:56pm With #Eurovision2021 #Eurovision tonight, Europe should troll the UK’s post Brexit idiocy by giving us enough votes to win, so that we have to host it next year, and let in all those pesky foreigners. 😀
- 8:02pm * Remembers to boot up a laptop so I can sit in front of the TV… just in time 🙂
- 8:05pm Yer what? =:o
- naivesnob – 8:03pm Just as well. I think you’re due to take part in the first song…
- 8:03pm My idiocy tonight will be fuelled by Stowford Press – aka So Depressed – but given that no cider company has yet recognised my genius and sponsored me (free Cider please) no hash tag for the event. :p
- 8:06pm * Types #Eurovision and hits Ctrl-C so it’s ready to be pasted into tweets without typos. Which are otherwise very likely. 🙂
(In spite of that second tweet, I went through the evening typing #Eurovision – and did indeed make typos – the first one a lot earlier than you might expect! See the very next tweet.)
Cyprus
- 8:10pm That’s not how gravity works. #Eurovisio
- 8:10pm The title is what @naivesnob meant
- 8:11pm This isn’t the old Duran Duran song, though.
- 8:11pm Not Duran sorry, Arcadia. El Diablo, El Diablo, won’t you sell me back my soul… #Eurovision
Arcadia’s El Diablo on YouTube – an unofficial and not safe for work video.
- 8:12pm I’d say those dancers used to work for Robert Palmer, but they’re a bit too animated. #Eurovision
And, of course, here they are in Robert Palmer’s video for Addicted to Love.
Click the image to go to the video on YouTube – and see also Simply Irresistable
- 8:13pm Liking this actually. But I haven’t drunk much yet. #Eurovision
Albania
- 8:13pm Just for a mo, I thought we were going to get a wannabe Bond theme. They seem to have stopped since I started watching. #Eurovision
- 8:15pm She could probably pull off a Bond theme, though. #Eurovision
- 8:17pm If she was silhouetted against the background graphics in places, it’d look a bit Bond title like #eurovision
- 8:17pm Like a bit I glanced up and saw as I was typing that! #Eurovision
Israel
As this performance was about to begin, Graham Norton – adding commentary to the BBC’s transmission of the event – commented that Eden was going to try to hit a B6 during her song…
- 8:18pm B6? No such thing. B5 was the last of the Babylon stations. #Eurovision
(In reference to something Norton said – not on the YouTube thing, obvs!)
- 8:18pm Speaking of Babylon 5, that hairstyle is even more ludicrous than the Centauri from Babylon 5. #Eurovision
- 8:19pm I wonder what it picks up? #Eurovsion
- 8:19pm I’ve got @nasa on the phone, they want her help with SETI. #Eurovision
- 8:20pm Is SETI even still a thing? #eurovision
- 8:21pm “Set me free” apparently means “rip my dress off” #Eurovsion
- 8:22pm That brings a new dodgy angle to Sting’s “If you love somebody, set them free” #Eurovision
If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free by Sting on YouTube.
Belgium
Hooverphonic – The Wrong Place
- 8:23pm Hmm. This is almost the sort of thing that could be in my music collection. That’s just wrong. #Eurovision
- 8:24pm Did nobody think to tell them that they’re entering the EUrovision Song Contest? #Eurovision
- 8:24pm Side note: Although I copied #Eurovision so I could paste it into tweets, I keep forgetting and typing it.
- 8:25pm I’d be more than happy if that won. #Eurovision
Russia
- 8:26pm I bet she’s hding something under that dress. #Eurovision
- 8:27pm The way she’s moving, it’s probably a dalek. #Eurovision
- 8:27pm Is the dalek just going to wait there, or take the dress off stage? #Eurovision
- 8:28pm I wonder if it’s her dress or the Dalek’s. For all we know, it might be what it likes to wear on a Saturday night. #Dalek
- 8:28pm Er, I meant #Eurovision there, obviously.
Malta
- 8:31pm IS that a goal behind them? #Eurovision
- 8:33pm Okay, I have no jokes, ni silly comments, nothing. It’s catchy – not my cup of tea, but catchy (especially the music in places). And the goalposts graphic aside, nothing silly to comment on. #eurovision
Portugal
The Black Mamba – Love Is On My Side
- 8:35pm Kid Creole sounds different these days. #Eurovision
- 8:35pm And looks a bit like a young Dennis Hopper. Especially the eyes from the angle. #Eurovision
- 8:36pm Those aren’t the coconuts behind him. #Eurovision
- 8:36pm Is he making a statement about love being on his side – or is he trying to convince himself? #Eurovision
- 8:37pm I must be going soft – I shouldn’t like that but did. #Eurovision
At this point in the UK broadcast, Graham Norton mentioned that our act is called James Newman. So I commented…
- 8:38pm James Numan for us? Be better if it was Gary Numan! #EUrovision
Serbia
- 8:39pm Is this the new Bananarama line up? #Eurovision
- 8:39pm Or it could be Sugababes, I suppose. They keep changing. 😉 #Eurovision
- 8:39pm And I see they’re ripping off Blondie’s parallel lines in the background graphic. 😉 #Eurovision
- 8:37pm I should have been hashtagging the specific countries really, shouldn’t I? #eurovision
Andrew Flegg replied…
- Jaffa2 8:38pm Not sure it matters. Isn’t a virtual #Eurovision party just about increasingly drunken commentary?
And I followed that up with two tweets (that I refer back to later without context):
- 8:41pm It’d make it easier if I decide to turn these twerts into a blog post again. I’ll probably work it out though.
- 8:43pm I think that’s more or less what I did a few years ago. (And to take screengrabs etc)
United Kingdom
- 8:45pm Who the hell will be playing THOSE trumpets? #Eurovision
- 8:46pm Whoever plays them must have really strong lungs, obvs. #Eurovision
- 8:46pm And when they do, I wouldn’t want to be standing where he is! #Eurovision
- 8:47pm Don’t forget Twitter #Eurovision watchers wherever you are – vote for this to troll Brexit-UK 😉
- 8:47pm The trumpets are lower now – the mouthpieces are the right height to be played. #Eurovision
- 8:48pm Is he in a B5 (The Gathering) privacy mode?
- 8:48pm Disappointed that nobody even pretended to play the giant trumpets. #Eurovision
Greece
- 8:49pm This is the purple Drazi entry. #Eurovision
- 8:50pm Do the greens get a shot later? #Eurovision
- 8:50pm Badly done invisibility FTW #Eurovision
- 8:51pm As a representative of the purple Drazi, does she feel uncomfortable hanging out in the green room? #Eurovision
- 8:52pm (And yes, I realise green rooms aren’t actually green! Dunno if there’s a historical reason for them being called that though) #Eurovision
- 8:53pm Did I blink, or was I concentrating too much on this screen – did Norton say there were GREEN leotards? #Eurovision
I haven’t checked if he said that or not, but marking up these tweets now I realise the invisibility effect would have been achieved by wearing a green bodysuit – that’s what he would’ve been referring to.
Switzerland
- 8:54pm Is it just me, or does he look like a young Tony Hadley – with chubbier cheeks? #Eurovision
(Click the image for the video on YouTube)
- 8:54pm With a bit more hair than the early days – but roughly the right sort of style. #Eurovision
- 8:55pm Spandau Ballet probably wore dressed a bit like that once as well. #Eurovision
- 8:56pm “… wore dressed …” was going to be “… wore shirts …” but I decided to make it “… dressed …”
- 8:57pm I am snacking on Malteser Buttons that are over a year out of date. FYI. #Eurovision
Iceland
Daði og Gagnamagnið – 10 Years
- 8:58pm This is a song about how long 2020 seemed to last. #Eurovision
- 8:59pm Was talking about this on here with Ben @naivesnob the other day because of his profile pic. #Eurovision
- 8:59pm It’s like the ones on their tops. #Eurovision
- 8:59pm And that backtgirynd grapshg #Eurovision
- 9:00pm Er, that’s Icelandic for “And that background graphic.” Honest. #Eurovision
- 9:01pm That was fun #Eurovision
Spain
- 9:03pm That total eclipse is getting further away #Eurovision
- 9:04pm It’s a dangerously close – but very small moon now #Eurovision
- 9:04pm (“That’s no moon”)
- 9:05pm Ah, look at the star field – the moon is moving. It’s the version from Space 1999. Now it’s near a nebula. #Eurovision
- 9:05pm How many are we up to now? #Eurovision
Moldova
- 9:06pm Denise Van Outen’s looking good for her age. #Eurovision
(And that’s Denise Van Outen in 2019, so actually she does!)
- 9:07pm If The Matrix was a musical #Eurovision
- 9:07pm This is the scene and song that plays after Neo’s offered the blue or red pill, and he says “Just give me a some fucking MDMA!” #Eurovision
Referring back to my replies to Andrew Flegg earlier, I dropped in these comments:
- 9:08pm It was Youtube, not iPlayer that I watched it back on when I turned my tweets into a blog post. Remember now. #Eurovision
- 9:09pm Yer ’tis http://misc.vinceh.com/2017/05/eurovision-cider-specs/ #Eurovison
- 9:09pm (Liked that one btw)
Germany
- 9:10pm Butlins entry. #Eurovision
- 9:11pm If she turns around, she’s making rude gestures. V sign or flopping the bird. #Eurovision
- 9:12pm Imagine if Billy Idol never made it big, and ended up working at a holiday camp. #Eurovision
(Click the image for the video on YouTube)
- 9:13pm Just spotted the answer to my question earlier – the corner has the act number. #Eurovision
Finland
- 9:14pm Gravity’s on the blink. #Eurovision
- 9:14pm Dark Side – this must be the entry from a galaxy far away. #Eurovision
- 9:16pm Didn’t the Red Hot Chili Peppers perform one of their songs hanging upside down? #Eurovision
- 9:16pm (Ref the background images sometimes #Eurivision
I thought I saw them on a TV show many years ago perform one of their songs while hanging upside down, but all I’ve found is a reference to them hanging upside down for a photoshoot for a documentary around the time they were recording Blood Sugar Sex Magik:
(Click the image for the video on YouTube)
Since I can’t find a video that matches my recollection – which given the photoshoot video above, was probably a song from that album – here are a couple of gratuitous links songs from that album – Under the Bridge and Give it Away.
- 9:17pm Tapped / nodded along to that one. 🙂 #Eurovision
There was a brief interlude at this point, because I…
- 9:20pm Took the opportunity to snap the use by date on my snacks. 🙂 #Eurovision
The expiry date on the Malteser Buttons I was eating – 29th March, 2020!
Bulgaria
VICTORIA – Growing Up Is Getting Old
- 9:22pm “Sitting on a fart” ? #Eurovision
- 9:22pm “an ocean of emotion I’m carrying inside” – it’ll be a wet one when she finally lets rip then. #Eurovision
- 9:23pm Joking aside, this is great. #Eurovision
- 9:24pm Singing on a giant cheese slice #Eurovision
- 9:24pm She’s turned into Bjork now #Eurovision
Lithuania
- 9:25pm Bananaman #Eurovision
- 9:26pm Bananaband #Eurovision
(Click the image to go to the video).
- 9:28pm Thought they were going to break into Yello’s The Race then. #Eurovision
- 9:28pm All the chakachakas or however it’s spelt #Eurovision
- 9:28pm Not The Race, Oh Yeah #Eurovision
I did indeed mean Oh Yeah and not The Race.
Ukraine
- 9:30pm Thought this was going to be the green Drazi for a second. #Eurovision
- 9:30pm What planet are they on with the weird trees? #Eurovision
- 9:30pm And what science fiction show? #Eurovision
- 9:21pm Dontt think I’ve mentioned Star Trek yet, so let’s go with that. #Eurovision
- 9:31pm When are they going to start playing hoopla? #Eurovision.
- 9:32pm Oh they did – around eachothers necks. #Eurovsion
France
- 9:34pm Should we be sat around a table in a speak easy listening to this? #Eurovision
- 9:35pm Random thing that popped into my head after that comment: Book series recommendation; Malcolm Pryce’s Aberystwyth books. They’re brilliant. #Eurovision
- 9:35pm I typed Aberystwyth successfully. 🙂
- 9:36pm Think Mike Hammer, Sam Spade, Phillip Marlowe, etc. That sort of pulp detective stuff, but funny – and set in Wales. #Eurovision
- 9:37pm Great titles as well – Last Tango in Aberustwyth, Abweystwyth Mon Amour, etc. #Eurovision
(Click the image to find them all on Goodreads).
Azerbaijan
- 9:38pm Dodgy science fiction film costumes FTW! #Eurovision
- 9:39pm Probably soemthing from the late 70s early 80s. Post apoc. #Eurovision
The first thing that springs to mind now is Gladiators of the Year 3000, aka Deathsport (1978), but the costumes don’t match up in the slightest. There probably is something out there, though, somewhere.
- 9:39pm Snake! #Eurovision
- 9:39pm No badgers or mushrooms, though. #Eurovision
For anyone who hasn’t yet encountered it (if that’s you… really?) I was referring to MrWeebl’s Baders.
- 9:41pm That was catchy. #Eurovision
Norway
- 9:41pm Looks like another dodgy cosume #Eurovision
- 9:42pm Bandanaman! #Eurovision
- 9:42pm We’ve had Banananaman earlier, so that’s cool #Eurovision
- 9:43pm Someone give the Winchester boys a shout. They’ll sort out those demons. #Eurovision
- 9:43pm Fun fact: I love Supernatural, but there are quite a few seasons where Ive only seen the first or last half. 😐 #Eurovision
- (Retweet) naivesnob 9:43pm Is that you on TV again?
Netherlands
Jeangu Macrooy – Birth Of A New Age
- # 9:47pm Doctor Who vibes from that crack in the wall #Eurovision
- 9:47pm Did that dancer used to work with Howard Jones? #Eurovision
(Click the image to go to the video)
- 9:47pm I think he came here straight from playing a round of golf. #Eurovision
- 9:48pm Or at least the 19th hole #Eurovision
- 9:48pm He left the bottom half of his costume in the locker at the course. Hence the trousers. #Eurovision
- 9:49pm Do they have lockers at golf courses? #Eurovision
- 9:49pm Most inconsistent /mismatched costumes ever #Eurovision
- 9:50pm I hope I’ve slowed down enough this year not to be booted off. #Eurovision
Italy
- 9:50pm Like the riff #Eurovision
- 9:51pm The dancer for the last act left half his costume at the golf course – but I’d rather not think about where this guy left the rest of his #Eurovision
- 9:51pm As long as it’s behind closed doors, though, and every one consents, it’s fine. #Eurovision
- 9:52pm We should have a separate #Eurovision Rock Contest. 🙂
- 9:53pm Another tap along song. 🙂 #Eurovision
Sweden
- 9:55pm Classic #Eurovison says Norton. Cheesy pap then. 🙂
- 9:56pm He’s calling the audience wankers with his hand movements #Eurovision
- 9:56pm That red strip and spotlights back then – this is the old Top Gear entry. #Eurovision
- 9:57pm He made that wanker motion again. Rude much? Nil points. #Eurovision
San Marino
- 9:59pm The Aztec entry #Eurovision
- 9:59pm Mexico is in Europe now.#Eurovision
- 9:59pm Did she just sing “you’re mooing like you’re a zombie” ? I thought it was cows that mooed. #Eurovision
- 10:00pm What is the past tense of moo? Mooed doesn’t look right – but mood would be silly. #Eurovision
- 10:00pm Unless the origins of the word mood is based on cows being grumpy. That’d nake sense. #Eurovision
- 10:01pm Also means itd be perfectly acceptable to call someone a grumpy cow. #Eurovision.
- 10:01pm Grumpy OLD cow would be wrong though. #Eurovision
Around this point, I spotted something I wanted to retweet – but a slow reaction, not helped by alcohol, and trying to work a touchpad because I was using a laptop, meant I screwed up. Just as I’d put the pointer in the right place and moved to click, I saw the screen refresh – and by the time I’d clicked, a different tweet entirely got retweeted.
- (Retweet) AdeFenton 10:01pm Betrayed. What a song. I think this was song two actually, and when Gary sent me the demo it fucking blew me away. It already had a heavy middle eastern feel to it, so this was another obvious one for Gorkem to add his Yaybahar to. #TimsTwitterListeningParty #Intruder
The hashtag refers to an online listen/tweet-along of Gary Numan’s new album Intruder (which I mentioned in a post last week) and which is absolutely brilliant (so buy it), so having accidentally retweeted that, I decided to explain:
- 10:02pm Ade is listening to something different to the rest of us – something much better, TBH. 😉
And just because, here’s the specific song Ade was referring to: Betrayed – Gary Numan
- 10:03pm Opportunity to put the rest of my out of date Malteser buttons in the fridge, and grab the sarnies I prepared earlier.
- 10:06pm Don’t forget #Eurovision watchers, the best way to troll post-Brexit UK over our idiotic attitude to foreigners is to vote for us to win this year, so we have to host the event next year.
- 10:06pm Gary Numan is apparently a pigeon.
- AdeFenton 10:05pm You do so coo
- 10:10pm I liked quite a few of these tonight. #Eurovision
- 10:13pm Kids their age shouldn’t be talking to strangers. #Eurovision
(Click the image to go to the start of the sequence on YouTube)
- 10:15pm Was it the purple or green darzi we had earlier? If it was green, this is the purple. #Eurovision
- 10:15pm Although I suppose it’s more pink. #Eurovision
- 10:16pm One of the commentators is another purple. #Eurovision
- 10:18pm It was purple earlier. It’s green that is under – un – represented. #Eurovision
- 10:29pm I strongly urge other European voters to do likewise. Troll the brexiters – make us host it next year. 😉 #Eurovision
- TerryReintke 8:50pm I will vote for the UK.
If only to say:
We still love you. Even after all this mess.
♥♥♥
#Eurovision #UK”
- TerryReintke 8:50pm I will vote for the UK.
- 10:30pm This sounds like something a dodgy bad guy in a dodgy film might use to cause insect attacks.
- numanofficial 10:29pm At least I don’t own a Swarmatron. Is that even a real thing??
- 10:33pm It’s bloody weird watching and commenting on #Eurovision, and seeing comments from Gary Numan and Ade Fenton going on about #Intruder. (Which is a fucking brilliant album, btw. Everyone should buy it.)
So here’s a link to the Gary Numan store!
- 10:36pm I like the last few lines of the first song of #Intruder in particular. “You are pain so I scream for you. You are pain and I am betrayed. You are death so I’ll die for you. You are death and I am betrayed.” IMO perfect conceptualising of what the planet would be saying to us.
That song is Betrayed, which I’ve linked to just a little way up (look for Tweets around 10pm)
- 10:39pm Where’s the social distancing between him and wire frame boy? #EUrovision
(Click the image to go to the section of the video on YouTube)
- 10:40pm Is this the entry from the care home? #Eurovision
- 10:42pm The #Eurovision pensioner contest
- 10:44pm I think these guys may be related to me. #Eurovision
- 10:55pm Based on a glance through the #Eurovision hashtag, I suspect we’ll be giving Iceland 12 points.
- 10:56pm Of course, a big fat zero for the UK would also be a perfectly good way to respond to Brexit. #Eurovision.
- 11:00pm Did the Swiss bloke just shout “oh my fucking god” ? I suppose it’s post-watershed though. 🙂 #Eurovision
He did. You can very clearly hear it on the YouTube video, after Estonia gave Switzerland twelve points.
- 11:03pm If it’s just a one word slogan on your t-shirt, does it really need a full stop? #Eurovision #Philosophy
Mind you, I have one that says simply ‘Meh.’ (complete with full stop) – so can I criticise, really?
- 11:04pm Amanda Holden FTW #Eurovision
I was too busy typing that to realise what an arse she made of herself – and by extension, the whole damned UK – with her language comment – but as soon as I heard her name and saw her on screen, that was my instinctive reaction.
- 11:05pm Okay, 10 points for Iceland then. Not far off. #Eurovision
- 11:06pm Woo. We’re now the only country with no points. #Eurovision
- 11:06pm Is he supposed to be up this late? #Eurovision
- 11:07pm She’s off to do some scuba diving after. #Eurovision
- 11:10pm Rula lenska must have had surgery #Eurovision
- 11:12pm Oh yeah – forgot about the ‘new’ viewer vote thing. #Eurovision
- 11:24pm There is a good chance that Switzerland is going to win (plonk plonk) GOLD! (Always believe in your soul… you’ve got the power to know… etc). #Eurovision
At this point, one of the presenters asked a question of Gjon’s Tears, the Swedish contestant – ‘if you win, if you actually really win, who would you call?’
- 11:31pm Who would you call? Ghostbusters obviously. #Eurovision Stupid question.
- 11:29pm The only country to get through the jury vote with nil points. LOL. #Eurovision
- 11:33pm HA! 🙂
- 11:37pm “There could be more zeros … we’re not out of the woods yet” says Norton. Has he noticed that we’re the only country with zero points – no matter who else gets zero from the public vote, we still have zero overall. Idiot. #Eurovision
- 11:38pm I take it our #Eurovision result isn’t one of the mythical brexit benefits?
The winner was announced as Italy…
- 11:55pm Wasn’t my favourite act of the show (probably Belgium IIRC – the one I said would probably fit in my collection), but not one to object to. #Eurovision
- 11:57pm I got through it and I’m still able to Tweet. That’s a win for the UK, isn’t it? #Eurovision
- 11:57pm Also, I’m still able to type – and as well as currently having a high proof, I’m using a crap flat laptop keyboard. That’s another win. #Eurovision
- 11:58pm But now I’m switching off. 🙂