VinceH's Miscellany

(Originally posted as a note on my Facebook account, reposted here…)

Too many people are far too addicted to Facebook, and seem to be at a complete loss for something to do when the site isn’t working properly. Here, therefore, are ten suggestions for things to do when Facebook is down or not working properly – or even, just to do instead for a change!

(In no particular order)

1. Watch TV. You remember TV, I’m sure. It’s the ‘idiot box’ in the corner of the living room, with sound and moving pictures, which you used to sit and stare at gormlessly before a computer with Facebook open took over the role in a more interactive way.
2. Watch a DVD. They’re the flat, round shiney things that look a bit like pizzas, but smaller and which you can’t eat. Do remember to put it in a DVD player first, though, watching the content on a TV (see #1). Watching the disc itself is just silly.
3. Listen to the radio. In case you don’t remember, the radio is an older invention than the TV (see #1), and similar to it in some ways – but it doesn’t have pictures. Instead it has people talking rubbish, with music to break up the monotony.
4. Mow the lawn. It’s the mass of overgrown green stuff in your garden – that place you haven’t been since discovering Facebook. Watch out for snakes, though. And, depending just how long it is since you last saw it, lions.
5. Go out for a meal. If you don’t understand the concept, it involves eating – it’s that thing you do with the round things that get delivered in the flat boxes (like DVDs, only bigger and edible – sort of), often the next morning when they’re cold. Except it’s nicer food, in a nicer environment.
6. Take your pet dog out for a walk. If you don’t have a pet dog, it’s probably best not to try this with other pets. Especially not goldfish. They’ll probably die – and I’m not sure you can get leads to fit them, anyway.
7. Talk to a friend on the ‘phone. Using your voice. What you used to do before instant messaging and email, and stuff like that. Or, if you aren’t ready for such an odd and daring idea, send them text messages.
8. Play a board game. That’s right “board” – they’re usually printed on a piece of board, and have playing pieces that you move around, sometimes after rolling one or two dice.
9. Read a book. These are a bit like Facebook, in that there are words to be read, but they’re PRINTED. On PAPER. And usually have less pictures – but if they have lots of pictures, it’s probably a magazine. Or an Argos catalogue.
10. Go to the pub and have a drink with some friends. Yes, a drink – it’s a bit like those stupid things some people “send” to one another on Facebook, except they’re THE REAL THING, and you’re in the ACTUAL PRESENCE of your friends. Do you even remember what they look like?

Some more photographs on Facebook, this time taken when I went for a wander in the snow on 6th January 2010. Some of these are in the Blaise Estate (Bristol) and some in a nearby wood which I don’t know the name of – if it even has one!

I’ve now uploaded a selection of photographs from my walk in the Brecon Beacons on Christmas Day to my Facebook account.

As anyone who knows me is aware, I’m not a particularly big fan of Christmas – which really means I can’t stand it – for a number of reasons, which chiefly involve me hating it as a religious festival because I’m an atheist, and hating the commercial aspects (specifically the buying and giving of gifts) because… well, let’s just say I think Charles Dickens probably had access to a time machine, and actually based the character Ebenezer Scrooge on me. This year, I decided the best way to avoid Christmas Day itself was to pop over to The Brecon Beacons for a nice little walk. (I do this on a semi-regular basis, trying to pop over at least once every month so, in fact, my Christmas Day walk was actually my December walk).

I wasn’t able to walk as far on Christmas Day as I normally would, only managing 9.2 kilometres, for a few reasons:

• Firstly, there was a lot of snow around and walking in that makes for slower progress. Luckily, though, it also makes nice pictures, which leads to my second reason.
• Secondly, I took more photographs that day than my previous visit to the same spot. I took less that time because I was walking somewhere I’d walked before – and had therefore taken lots of pictures before – but with the snow all around, it was sufficiently different that I was using the camera a lot. This, in turn, leads to my third reason.
• Thirdly, it was cold. How does my second reason lead to this? Easy: My batteries were suffering, partly because of all the pictures I was taking, and partly because of the cold, and I had to change them frequently, which was a bloody nuisance.

What all this is leading up to is the photograph I took at the furthest point from the car park – the point at which I decided to turn around and walk back. It sums up my feelings about Christmas quite nicely, I think. This is that photograph: